If you give a Demon Lord Ramen
by T3h Toby-Chan
Summary: (Oneshot) Normal hijinks ensue at the castle, but they are now accompanied by some random insanity compliments of the author. Raenef and the gang have found an addiction.


Heyas! This is my first Demon Diary fanfiction. Just some random insanity for ya. It's not the best ever, but please if you would take a few moments to read it, t'would be appreciated.  
  
There's probably some OOCness, and really random oddity, but try to bear with me.  
  
Toby-Chan  
  
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* ((Sorry for all those stars. I just like em. Heh.)  
  
Raenef blinked once and twice as he gazed rather boredly out of the castle window. He drummed his fingers on the sill, and hummed slightly, allowing his thoughts to drift in autopilot for a while. As his train of thought rolled from tomatoes, to whatever the smell coming from the corridor linen closet was, a sudden prod in the shoulder jolted him back to reality.  
"Boo!" Was all the red-headed knight had to say semi- enthusiastically in order to send Raenef screaming with a jump halfway to the ceiling.  
"Erutis?" He said, catching his breath, and quickly forgetting he was scared, he donned his usual sparkle sparkle smile.  
"Scared ya?" Erutis asked with a proud grin.  
"Yeah, er I mean... um... HOW DARE YOU MOCK ME, VERMIN!" He planted his hands firmly on his hips and attempted his most menacing face. He had been practicing this evil demonic expression in front of the mirror for several weeks now and was quite sure he had got it right complete with lightning flashes behind him.  
The sparkley look in Erutis' eyes was quite enough evidence that the lightning had not appeared, and had rather been replaced with something along the lines of flowers and bunny rabbits.  
"Aaaw!" She clasped her hands together, "You really are the most adorable demon lord I ever did see!" She took this oppourtunity to promptly glomp Raenef out of his wits.  
Rae sweatdropped and took a deep breath, trying to look for a bright side. At least he was the only one who could get Erutis to act this girly. Because usually she was a brutish butch tomboy swordmaster who enjoyed pummeling people at unjustified moments.  
A short pause emitted, and Raenef looked up at Erutis, only slowly realizing why she stopped squeezing him.  
"Um..." He tried to observe casually, "Did I just say that out loud?"  
A prompt explosion signaled the beginning of a chase scene.  
"Butch, am I? A Tomboy? Oh, I'll show you Tomboy!!!" Erutis chased the blonde demon lord, cackling as she went.  
Through the airy corridors, past the dining halls, over and under tables, chairs, tapestries, and even in and out of windows they went, Raenef trying to escape Erutis' seemingly bipolar bloodlust.  
"Hey, what are you guys doing?" Chris asked rather nonchalantly, as he was sitting reading a book on all the downfalls of Demon Lords.  
Erutis took no speed out of her stride in jumping right over Chris, kicking him in the head as she did, (though whether that was on purpose or by accident may never be told.)  
"Yeeowch!" He yelled, holding his head, "That hurt, Erutis!" He immediately jumped up and joined the chase.  
"Eru-! I didn't mean it! You're really cute!"  
"Mock me, will you? I think not!"  
"Erutis! Apologize right now, or I'm gonna-"  
*Bonk!*  
All three runners wound up in a pile on the floor, beneath the ruins of a cracked vase.  
"Now look what you did!" Chris squirmed out of the dogpile, rubbing his sore back.  
"It wasn't my fault! Raenef ran right into it!"  
"But I was looking behind my shoulder to make sure you weren't going to rip my flesh to shreds and send me to a horrible bloody death!"  
A momentary silence saturated the air, followed by akward building laughter.  
"Well... that ends that." Erutis said, eyeing the surroundings.  
"But what about this broken vase?" Chris asked.  
Another silence followed, but this time more with a "We are so screwed" aura about it.  
Eclipse, who was busy at his desk, figuring their monthly budget, heard the loud collision and set down his quill pen.  
"Not again." He muttered, picturing Raenef and the two humans in his mind.  
"Go," He said, appearing beside the unruly tangle of people and ceramic shards.  
All the others blushed and averted their eyes under the demon's calculating glare.  
"So," Eclipse said calmly folding his arms and trying not to let his frustration show (Even though the small popping vein on his forehead was already tell-tale),  
"Who wants to start explaining?"  
"He did it!"  
"She did it!" Chris and Erutis Simultaneously pointed at eachother, more out of habit than anything else.  
And the vein on Eclipse's forehead grew.  
Seeing that nobody else was saying anything, Raenef sat up and looked at Eclipse with big watery eyes.  
"It's all my fault, Eclipse." He said, with his pleading innocent look that could make the devil himself squeal with delight at the cuteness.  
"Oh?" Eclipse asked, not admitting to himself that it was the darn cutest thing he'd ever seen.  
"Well, you see, there was me, an' Erutis, an' Erutis started chasing me, but it wasn't her fault, because I said she was butch-"  
A growl came from Erutis's direction.  
"An' she started chasing me, and I think she was gonna kill me, so I didn't see where I was going, and I ran into the vase. So you see, It wasn't her fault at all." Raenef tried to smirk at Eclipse, whose expression wasn't softening, but his eyes showed a hint of caving in.  
"I'm sorry." Raenef said, running up to Eclipse, and enveloping Eclipse's waist (Since Raenef was rather short) in an apologetic hug.  
Eclipse blushed in slight embarrasment at the hug which was mocking his status as a proud demon, but he had to admit, Raenef gave the bes hugs. He was so... squishy.  
As Erutis gulped, and Chris prayed to Rased for mercy, Eclipse emitted a sigh, and rubbed his temple.  
"That vase was a gift from the demon lord Aodfin the first," He said, with a ticked edge to his voice, "It's all as well that I'm working out the monthly budget now. Time to deduct another expense."  
In his mind he mapped out the expenses that had been added as of the past week.  
  
Burnt tapestry x 2.  
Random stray animals fed by Raenef x 5  
Priceless antique vase broken x 1  
  
"With all these mouths to feed I don't know how we're going to pay for it all." He muttered, nudging Raenef to loosen his grip, "You only need to hug me for five minutes. Go." He poofed back to his desk.  
He picked up the quill pen, dipped it in ink and added "Broken vase" to the list of expenses. Reading and recalculating the list again and again, he attempted to somehow figure out how to lower the expenses of feeding two extra mouths.  
He drummed his long slender fingers on the finely polished wood table, tapped the pen against his forehead (Which resulted in an ink splatter), and sighed for what must have been the hundredth time that day.  
"Go," He said again, picturing the kitchen. He appeared in the center of the kitchen floor, arms akimbo, trying to look around for a solution for the feed problem.  
He peered in the pantry, and saw a few renegade potatoes. Venturing cupboard after cupboard, he concluded that some grocery shopping would be in order.  
"But what to feed Master Raenef today?" He asked out loud, scratching the side of his forehead. At the moment something in the darkest corner of the cupboard caught his eye. Something... he hadn't noticed in there before...  
  
"Aw! Jeez! C'mon, Rae! I've been monkey in the middle for hours!" Chris whined, leaping up in the air, clawing at the ever out-of-reach ball.  
"It's not Rae's fault you can't catch worth crap." Erutis sniggered, hurling the ball into the air over Chris's head at Raenef.  
"But, you're using your demon powers!" An accusing finger pointed in the direction of Raenef.  
"Am not." The Demon Lord said, subconsiously emmitting a pink light from his hands as he tossed the ball back to Erutis.  
"Can't we please, just switch places?"  
"Oh, be a sport, Chris. We've only been playing for a few minutes." Eru once again tossed back to Raenef.  
"No, it's been hours!" The young cleric raved, "See? According to my portable sundial!" He displayed the mini sundial he had strapped with a leather band to his wrist. An invention he was quite proud of.  
"One problem with your theory, buddy," Erutis smirked, "You keep on moving. It can't tell proper time."  
"Blast it! I knew there was something wrong with my idea!" Chris pouted and flicked the once seemingly clever device.  
"Come to think of it, what time is it? I'm kind of hungry." Raenef patted his tummy and missed as Erutis threw the ball at him.  
"HA! You MISSED IT! That means I get to get out of the middle now!" Chris jeered, celebrating to himself for quite a bit of time before he realized he wasn't being congratulated and/or pummeled for finally getting out.  
"Hey! Where're you two going?" He fumed, seeing the two hed back for the castle.  
"To get lunch! We're done playing!" Erutis called back, "We're gonna see if Eclipse, the kitchen wench'll cook up something for us."  
"Urgh! Fine, be that way!" He called, and chased after them.  
  
"What's this?" Raenef picked up a small note on the dining table and read, "Dear Raenef, I have gone out on an errand, so in the mean time, I have left you these ramen to eat." He paused for a second, "Ramen? What's Ramen?"  
"Probably this stuff?" Erutis said, picking up a packet of noodles, "Geez. Old man couldn't even stand to cook for us before he left." A threatening image of Eclipse with a fireball in his hand popped up in Eru's mind, and she immediately shut up.  
"So, um, how do we make them?" Raenef wondered lazily.  
"Looks easy enough." Chris said, reading the instructions on the packet, "Yo, Butch! Get some water boiling!" He ordered in Erutis' direction. His responce was a cooking pot planted swiftly and firmly on his head.  
"Do it yourself, pansy. Just 'cause I'm a girl, dosen't mean I have to do the cooking."  
"Whiny little.."  
"-I'm gonna knock your teeth out!"  
"Guys! Can't we just eat?"  
"Once I finish beating this idiot's brain out!"  
"At least I have a brain."...  
The squabble continued, and elavated in the backround behind Raenef as he readied the pan and noodles, indifferent to the chairs that were thrown dangerously nearby.  
"So, you boil water, and stick the block of noodles in..." He examined the package again, "It's so easy... It's brilliant. It's like the lazy-person's snack! I LOVE IT!!!!" He struck a pose out of his passionate speech to the ramen, declaring loudly enough to make Chris and Erutis stop their fight, mid-kick. At the split second pause, Chris was ready to throw a live chicken at Erutis (Rased knows where he got it from), and Erutis had found a handy little baseball bat with which she had already his him in the shins, the head, and some other painful areas.  
"What's so great?" Chris asked bobbing over toward where Raenef was standing, Erutis quickly following.  
"Well... it's easy... and fast," Rae said, dropping the noodles into the boiling water.  
"Oooooooh!" They all admired the beautiful spectacle of boiling ramen, wide-eyed.  
"It's so... pretty." Raenef awed.  
"It's almost like... a message." Erutis added.  
"A blessing from the gods." Chris piped in.  
"No. It's better. It's...." Raenef assumed a profound pose, "TEH RAMEN!!!" Some fireworks appeared behind him.  
"Teh?" Erutis asked, sweatdropping.  
"... I don't know. That just sort of came out."  
"I've heard about this," Chris gasped, blessing himself, "It's the curse of 733+ webspeak!"  
Long pause.  
"IT'S A TERRIBLE CURSE! U must ph33r teh \/\/38$P34K!"  
Another long pause.  
Chris sighed and raised his hand, "By the power of Rased, you're healed." He said unenthusiastically.  
"Thanks, Chris."  
"No problem." Chris had no idea why he had just healed the Demon Lord he was trying to bring down, but he had a feeling it would be worse to deal with webspeak... whatever the web was.  
"I think it's done!" Erutis said.  
"I want the first bite!" Exclaimed Chris, pushing through to the pot of ramen.  
"Hey! No fair! You didn't help making it!"  
"Calm down now! We have more!"  
"We do?"  
"Uh huh."  
"Sweeet!" Erutis and Chris both grabbed bowls and slurped down the noodles greedily.  
"Is it good?" Raenef asked, feeling a little bad that he hadn't been the first to try.  
"Mmph! Ish purdy good." Erutis said.  
"Yeah, Rae. Try some."  
"Okay!" Raenef sparkled and picked up a bowl for himself.  
"Oooh! It's yummy!" He chomped down a mouthful.  
"Sho, Raenef. You shay we can *gulp* make more off tese?"  
"Uh huh!"  
"Exshellent!"...  
  
"I hope they didn't cause more trouble while I was gone." Eclipse worried to himself. He transported inside with his bags of groceries and set them on the counter, putting a few things away, and reaching for his favorite apron, so he could begin preparations for the next meal.  
He looked out the window to make sure the others weren't nearby, and tied on the frilly apron. He wouldn't want to be seen by them like this. It was indecent for a demon lord to be seen like that, but he had so much fun in the kitchen.  
"Anything to serve my master." He thought to himself, humming and getting out a cutting board. In the midst of his very, un-eclipse-like frolick, he heard a noise.  
"Hn?" He whirled around at the sound from the corner. It was strange. It couldn't be mice... or other vermin. It was much to loud. It was...  
"Eclipsh!" Raenef beamed, his mouth stuffed with ramen. He was holding an empty bowl gleefully and beside him, Erutis and Chris were also gorging on ramen, and this odd little snack they had found in the cupboard called "Pocky".  
"M-Master Raenef..." Eclipse stammered, "What... happened?"  
"Oh! We jusht had a snack!"  
Eclipse dropped his cutting board.  
"Oh, yeah. Nishe apron, Eclipse!"  
There was a long, far stranger pause.  
"Sho! What did you bring?" Erutis looked up from her Pocky gorgeing to inquire.  
Eclipse sweatdropped, and held up his bag.  
"Well, we were running over budget this month so... I've done some budget shopping." He contemplated whether or not it was safe to reveal what he had gotten, "So... I got this bulk package of ramen."  
They all stared wide eyed at Eclipse, as though he was their new best friend.  
"Oh boy."  
In less then a milisecond, they were all clinging to eclipse, squealing and thanking him.  
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Erutis squealed, "Did I mention that apron looks great on you?"  
Eclipse sweatdropped, and gazed in wonder at what sick thing had happened to these strange people he thought he'd known.  
  
Broken Vase: 250 gold pieces.  
Bulk package of Ramen: 4 silver coins.  
Eclispse the kitchen wench being glomped by the entire gang:  
  
Priceless.  
  
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A/N: Sorry for that. It was kindof dumb. This plot idea was just bugging me. I promise if I make more, they'll be better. Usually I re-read and revise my fics dozens of times before I post them to make sure the don't suck a lot. So if I have something really poorly written, or mispelled, I apologize. It's late, and like I said, this was bugging me. Just review please!  
  
R-E-V-I-E-W!!! 


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